By Daniel Rigney
There may be a parallel universe somewhere in which the following headlines are metaphysically possible. In our own universe, however, they’re journalistic anti-matter:
Michael Bloomberg Stopped and Frisked in NYC
Washington Redskins Name Changed to Less Offensive “Washington Redcoats”
“We Were Just Kidding,” Admit Overwhelming Majority of Climate Scientists
Cheney Acknowledges “Our Administration Was a Planetary Catastrophe”
Bottom One Percent Reaps 90 Percent of Decade’s Economic Gains
Rush Limbaugh Asks Rachel Maddow To Be His Fifth Wife
Maddow Accepts Marriage Proposal NSA Apologizes to Citizens of World, Destroys All Past Records
“Shades of Grey” Author Awarded Nobel Prize for Literature
Vladimir Putin Seeks Political Asylum in Chechnya
British Protest NFL's “Washington Redcoats” Name Change
Compromise Reached in NFL Naming Dispute: "London Redcoats" Suit Up for 2015 NFL Season
I may have forgotten an impossible headline or two. Maybe you can offer your own here, or at #impossibleheadlines.
Danagram
:] as Rimshot the Sitdown Comic
There may be a parallel universe somewhere in which the following headlines are metaphysically possible. In our own universe, however, they’re journalistic anti-matter:
Michael Bloomberg Stopped and Frisked in NYC
Washington Redskins Name Changed to Less Offensive “Washington Redcoats”
“We Were Just Kidding,” Admit Overwhelming Majority of Climate Scientists
Cheney Acknowledges “Our Administration Was a Planetary Catastrophe”
Bottom One Percent Reaps 90 Percent of Decade’s Economic Gains
Rush Limbaugh Asks Rachel Maddow To Be His Fifth Wife
Maddow Accepts Marriage Proposal NSA Apologizes to Citizens of World, Destroys All Past Records
“Shades of Grey” Author Awarded Nobel Prize for Literature
Vladimir Putin Seeks Political Asylum in Chechnya
British Protest NFL's “Washington Redcoats” Name Change
Compromise Reached in NFL Naming Dispute: "London Redcoats" Suit Up for 2015 NFL Season
I may have forgotten an impossible headline or two. Maybe you can offer your own here, or at #impossibleheadlines.
Danagram
:] as Rimshot the Sitdown Comic
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