By Daniel Rigney
My favorite book in the world is the thesaurus. A writer without a thesaurus is like a rower without a paddle, oar, or scull.
Like a dictionary, a thesaurus contains most of the words from which other books are made. It just presents them in a different order. The Bible? Most of it can be found in a dictionary or thesaurus. Shakespeare’s sonnets? Likewise. Your grocery list? You get the idea.
To these two great reference books we should now add a third, the eusaurus, or treasury of euphemisms. Think of it as a happy-faced thesaurus, or as a dictionary composed entirely by dissemblers.
Some familiar examples, in alphabetical order:
associate: a lower-level big box employee
courtesy call: an unwanted commercial phone solicitation (more aptly described as a “jangling intrusion”)
cozy apartment: an apartment the size of a large walk-in closet with a sink and toilet
energy company: an oil and gas company with two solar panels and a windmill; a carbon company
enhanced interrogation: torture (see also extraordinary rendition)
extraordinary rendition: subcontracting torture to another country
“fair tax”: a type of tax simplification plan that redistributes wealth and income upward in the guise of fairness
gentlemen’s club: a strip bar (So then is a “ladies’ club” a strip bar for female customers?)
infomercial: a thirty-minute advertisement
package store: (archaic) a liquor store
rightsizing: firing employees (see also “outsourcing” and “automation”)
sanitary napkin: a tampon
transportation consultant: a car salesperson
water closet: (chiefly British) a toilet room (see also American “restroom”)
zoo: (short for “zoological garden”) an animal prison, as seen from the perspective of an animal rights advocate.
When our eusaurus is complete, we can start to work on its antyonym – the dyssaurus, or dictionary of dysphemisms. These are words or phrases that make things sound worse than they actually are. Sample dysphemisms might include “nightmare” (for a disagreeable experience) or “jackass” (for a disagreeable person).
It’s too bad Ambrose Bierce, H.L. Mencken, Samuel Clemens and Eric Blair (George Orwell) aren’t around to help us assemble a eusaurus, and then a dyssaurus, for our times. But since they have gone to be with the angels, I guess we’ll have to do it ourselves.
Suggested entries?
Danagram
:] searching for meanings since 2011
Readers mildly amused by this post may also like A Republican-to-Democratic Dictionary.
My favorite book in the world is the thesaurus. A writer without a thesaurus is like a rower without a paddle, oar, or scull.
Like a dictionary, a thesaurus contains most of the words from which other books are made. It just presents them in a different order. The Bible? Most of it can be found in a dictionary or thesaurus. Shakespeare’s sonnets? Likewise. Your grocery list? You get the idea.
To these two great reference books we should now add a third, the eusaurus, or treasury of euphemisms. Think of it as a happy-faced thesaurus, or as a dictionary composed entirely by dissemblers.
Some familiar examples, in alphabetical order:
associate: a lower-level big box employee
courtesy call: an unwanted commercial phone solicitation (more aptly described as a “jangling intrusion”)
cozy apartment: an apartment the size of a large walk-in closet with a sink and toilet
energy company: an oil and gas company with two solar panels and a windmill; a carbon company
enhanced interrogation: torture (see also extraordinary rendition)
extraordinary rendition: subcontracting torture to another country
“fair tax”: a type of tax simplification plan that redistributes wealth and income upward in the guise of fairness
gentlemen’s club: a strip bar (So then is a “ladies’ club” a strip bar for female customers?)
infomercial: a thirty-minute advertisement
package store: (archaic) a liquor store
rightsizing: firing employees (see also “outsourcing” and “automation”)
sanitary napkin: a tampon
transportation consultant: a car salesperson
water closet: (chiefly British) a toilet room (see also American “restroom”)
zoo: (short for “zoological garden”) an animal prison, as seen from the perspective of an animal rights advocate.
When our eusaurus is complete, we can start to work on its antyonym – the dyssaurus, or dictionary of dysphemisms. These are words or phrases that make things sound worse than they actually are. Sample dysphemisms might include “nightmare” (for a disagreeable experience) or “jackass” (for a disagreeable person).
It’s too bad Ambrose Bierce, H.L. Mencken, Samuel Clemens and Eric Blair (George Orwell) aren’t around to help us assemble a eusaurus, and then a dyssaurus, for our times. But since they have gone to be with the angels, I guess we’ll have to do it ourselves.
Suggested entries?
Danagram
:] searching for meanings since 2011
Readers mildly amused by this post may also like A Republican-to-Democratic Dictionary.
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