Name That Racehorse

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By Daniel Rigney

The Kentucky Derby is over for the year, but the dust hasn’t settled yet. Huffington Post reports this morning that I’ll Have Another's trainer is suspended under suspicion of “milkshaking” a horse in another race (HuffPost Sports, May 25, 2012).

A milkshake, in racing parlance, is a performance-enhancing mix of bicarbonate of soda, sugar and electrolytes. Milkshaking may be against the rules in horseracing, but a similar practice is common among human athletes. It's called "gatorading." 

I'll Have Another is a great horse with a distinctive name, joining past Derby winners with colorful names that have included Smarty Jones, Grindstone, Spend a Buck, Foolish Pleasure and Behave Yourself. 

Here are some other unusual, if imaginary, racehorse names coming up this morning at www.GeneratorLand.com, a comic random name generator.  

 How about … ?

 Pork Storm

 Chuckling Pride

 Dancing Meatloaf

 Painful Grooming

 My Wife’s Perfect Happiness

 Mrs. Robinson

 Fornication’s Delight

 Road Apple [not to be confused with the political Cow Pie                Romney tossed recently in Iowa)

[I have a nominee of my own. How about “Milkshake”?]

The name-generating website also offers names and profiles of imaginary political candidates.  If you're a wealthy political investor of the Koch variety and are acquiring a stable of Republican politicians, GeneratorLand recommends:

Clint Storm 

• Former CEO of Amherst Oil Company
• Hero: The Dude with the Top Hat in Monopoly
• Believes $700 is cheap for a hammer.
• Slogan: A lie isn't a lie if you believe it.  

Sounds like just the kind of thoroughbred the Koch brothers are looking for to wear their colors in future political horseraces.

 

For a previous report on horseracing, the sport of CEOs, see Kentucky Derby Preview, 2013.