Satire by Daniel Rigney
I’m not much of a conspiracy theorist. I tend not to believe, for instance, the viral legend that Dick Cheney is personally responsible for the Japanese Tsunami of 2011. But it doesn’t take a conspiracy theorist to suspect that behind the Tea Party’s meteoric rise to legislative and anti-legislative glory in recent years is a cabal of liberal billionaires (a few do exist) bent on destroying conservatism by making Republicans in general look like a bunch of flaming limbaughs.
In good Agatha Christie-an fashion, I surmise that the liberal billionaires in question are the very characters we would least suspect. Is it possible that the Koch brothers, Chuck and Dave, are in fact closet liberals pretending to be conservatives, and that they’ve been conspiring with considerable success to sabotage the Republican Party?
I’m merely suggesting this as a hypothetical conjecture, not an allegation. But ask yourself: How better to serve the left-liberal cause than by engineering the fragmentation of the Republican Party by lavishly funding a splinter party that conquers conservatism by dividing it from within?
Only wealthy wolves in well-tailored sheeps’ clothing could pull off such a feat of political genius and perfidy.
The Koch Theory is speculative, to be sure, but it is clearly consistent with the following solid and indisputable facts suggesting that the Kochs are now, and have always been, secret supporters of the party of the left.
Let facts be submitted to a candid world:
The Koch brothers inherited a socialist fortune from their father, Fred Koch, who made his millions by building refineries for Stalin in the USSR during the 1930s.
Fred Koch’s innovative methods of oil refining were spurned and suppressed by the giant oil companies of his time, who tried to litigate him out of business. This led Koch to harbor a lifelong hatred of big corporations in the oil and gas industry, just as many liberals do.
Later, disavowing his indisputable prior ties to Stalin, Fred Koch became a co-founder of the ostensibly anti-communist John Birch Society in the 1950’s, an organization so stark in its raving madness that it gave conservatism a reputation for crackpot extremism, helping to ensure Lyndon Johnson’s defeat of Barry Goldwater in 1964.
By undermining the moderate Republican Party of Dwight Eisenhower, father Koch helped pave the way for the liberal “Great Society” programs of the 1960s. If Fred Koch and his John Birch Society helped elect LBJ and his Great Society, what new leftward programs will the Koch sons and their Tea Party surreptitiously usher in by destroying the bulwark of sane conservatism?
The modern-day Tea Party, heavily funded by the Koch brothers and their inner circle of friends, is a direct ideological descendent of the John Birch Society, and like the Birch Society, it’s giving Republicans a national and worldwide reputation for right-wing ideological fanaticism, which can only help the liberal Democratic Party in coming elections.
Meanwhile, the Kochs and their businesses have benefited from massive Big Government subsidies and tax breaks to their industries, enabling them to accumulate a vast fortune with which to wage covert warfare against true small government conservatism. Have they been acting as secret agents of the Big Government left all along?
So I ask again. Are the Koch brothers true conservatives? Or are they closet liberals with billions to spend on torpedoing traditional conservatism’s reputation for prudential judgment and public-spirited moderation?
At a more personal level, while Charles Koch lives in Kansas, his brother David lives in New York, one of America’s most liberal cities, in a Manhattan residence suspiciously close to Woody Allen's recently purchased townhouse less than two blocks away. (I’ll let you connect these dots for yourself.) He’s given millions to support effete fine arts performances, including ballet and opera, with their scarcely concealed ties to the homosexual demiworld.
To top it off, Charles Koch recently made a large donation to Catholic University, an odd gift for a "conservative" donor to give in light of the fact that the church’s leader in Rome, suspected leftist Pope Francis, has spoken out openly against unfettered capitalism.
So do these guys sound like real conservatives to you? Are they sincere benefactors of the right, as they purport to be, or are they vulpine liberals in ovine clothing, succeeding brilliantly in their hidden aim of making Republicans in general look like a bunch of ranting hannities and cold-blooded coulters?
Behind the scenes, aren’t the Koch brothers making Democrats look positively sane and reasonable by comparison?
We don’t have all the evidence yet. We can only point to the facts as we’ve strategically presented them. Are the Kochs who they seem to be? Or are they really small-s stalinists?
Judge for yourself.
We report. You decide.
Danagram
;] … fair and balanced since 2011
I’m not much of a conspiracy theorist. I tend not to believe, for instance, the viral legend that Dick Cheney is personally responsible for the Japanese Tsunami of 2011. But it doesn’t take a conspiracy theorist to suspect that behind the Tea Party’s meteoric rise to legislative and anti-legislative glory in recent years is a cabal of liberal billionaires (a few do exist) bent on destroying conservatism by making Republicans in general look like a bunch of flaming limbaughs.
In good Agatha Christie-an fashion, I surmise that the liberal billionaires in question are the very characters we would least suspect. Is it possible that the Koch brothers, Chuck and Dave, are in fact closet liberals pretending to be conservatives, and that they’ve been conspiring with considerable success to sabotage the Republican Party?
I’m merely suggesting this as a hypothetical conjecture, not an allegation. But ask yourself: How better to serve the left-liberal cause than by engineering the fragmentation of the Republican Party by lavishly funding a splinter party that conquers conservatism by dividing it from within?
Only wealthy wolves in well-tailored sheeps’ clothing could pull off such a feat of political genius and perfidy.
The Koch Theory is speculative, to be sure, but it is clearly consistent with the following solid and indisputable facts suggesting that the Kochs are now, and have always been, secret supporters of the party of the left.
Let facts be submitted to a candid world:
The Koch brothers inherited a socialist fortune from their father, Fred Koch, who made his millions by building refineries for Stalin in the USSR during the 1930s.
Fred Koch’s innovative methods of oil refining were spurned and suppressed by the giant oil companies of his time, who tried to litigate him out of business. This led Koch to harbor a lifelong hatred of big corporations in the oil and gas industry, just as many liberals do.
Later, disavowing his indisputable prior ties to Stalin, Fred Koch became a co-founder of the ostensibly anti-communist John Birch Society in the 1950’s, an organization so stark in its raving madness that it gave conservatism a reputation for crackpot extremism, helping to ensure Lyndon Johnson’s defeat of Barry Goldwater in 1964.
By undermining the moderate Republican Party of Dwight Eisenhower, father Koch helped pave the way for the liberal “Great Society” programs of the 1960s. If Fred Koch and his John Birch Society helped elect LBJ and his Great Society, what new leftward programs will the Koch sons and their Tea Party surreptitiously usher in by destroying the bulwark of sane conservatism?
The modern-day Tea Party, heavily funded by the Koch brothers and their inner circle of friends, is a direct ideological descendent of the John Birch Society, and like the Birch Society, it’s giving Republicans a national and worldwide reputation for right-wing ideological fanaticism, which can only help the liberal Democratic Party in coming elections.
Meanwhile, the Kochs and their businesses have benefited from massive Big Government subsidies and tax breaks to their industries, enabling them to accumulate a vast fortune with which to wage covert warfare against true small government conservatism. Have they been acting as secret agents of the Big Government left all along?
So I ask again. Are the Koch brothers true conservatives? Or are they closet liberals with billions to spend on torpedoing traditional conservatism’s reputation for prudential judgment and public-spirited moderation?
At a more personal level, while Charles Koch lives in Kansas, his brother David lives in New York, one of America’s most liberal cities, in a Manhattan residence suspiciously close to Woody Allen's recently purchased townhouse less than two blocks away. (I’ll let you connect these dots for yourself.) He’s given millions to support effete fine arts performances, including ballet and opera, with their scarcely concealed ties to the homosexual demiworld.
To top it off, Charles Koch recently made a large donation to Catholic University, an odd gift for a "conservative" donor to give in light of the fact that the church’s leader in Rome, suspected leftist Pope Francis, has spoken out openly against unfettered capitalism.
So do these guys sound like real conservatives to you? Are they sincere benefactors of the right, as they purport to be, or are they vulpine liberals in ovine clothing, succeeding brilliantly in their hidden aim of making Republicans in general look like a bunch of ranting hannities and cold-blooded coulters?
Behind the scenes, aren’t the Koch brothers making Democrats look positively sane and reasonable by comparison?
We don’t have all the evidence yet. We can only point to the facts as we’ve strategically presented them. Are the Kochs who they seem to be? Or are they really small-s stalinists?
Judge for yourself.
We report. You decide.
Danagram
;] … fair and balanced since 2011
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